Moving again. Part 5. Saturday.

Saturday morning I woke up kind of early, and there was a big pile of dog poop outside my bedroom door. Our kitchen trash was all over the kitchen floor. Apparently "Magic" (Jeff's dog) got into the house. I didn't touch anything, and by the time I got back from my hike with the Institute, it was all cleaned up and the carpet from the front door to the kitchen was soaking wet.

I went on my hike, and then I went to the Institute to watch the U of U - Michigan football game. I was having fun! I had been making friends, and learning our school song, and eating chili and tortilla chips... and then Jeff started calling me.

I debated answering, but decided not to because:
1. He was calling from a blocked number.
2. The football game was loud, and I was busy.
3. How often do I really have to talk to him? Good grief.

So he called like 3 times, and each time I clicked to send the call to voicemail.

Halftime started, and I saw Carlos! We waved, and he came over and sat next to me, with some girl. And then almost immediately after he sat down he whispered "OH NO. Jeff's here. He's right there!" Jeff was walking on the aisle to our right. But he just walked out of the room. "HE CAN'T SEE ME!" Carlos worried out loud. Apparently Jeff had asked Carlos to go to Home Depot with him. Carlos didn't want to go, so he said he was going to his parents' house in Springville. And I don't know if he was actually going there at all or not, but he came to the game. Anyway, it was none of Jeff's business.

My phone rang again. Still from a blocked number. I knew it was Jeff again. And I hung up again, even though he was probably watching.

As soon as I sent the call to voicemail, Jeff stormed up to us.

"BOTH OF YOU ARE OUT! YOU NEED TO BE OUT OF THE HOUSE BY SEPTEMBER FIRST!" He shouted in the middle of the activity. "YOU," he pointed at Carlos "FOR LYING. AND YOU," he pointed to me, "FOR... HAVING A BAD ATTITUDE!"

"Jeff, I didn't lie to you," Carlos said softly, calmly.

"YOU'VE LIED 3. 4. 5 TIMES!"

"I've never lied to you Jeff," Carlos repeated.

"I'M GOING TO SPRINGVILLE, I'M AT MY PARENTS HOUSE. YOU DIDN'T LIE?!"

"Jeff, I had to come see her on my way," Carlos said quietly, pointing to the girl next to him.

"ALL YOUR STUFF HAS TO BE OUT BY SEPTEMBER FIRST. NO. THE NIGHT BEFORE."

"We have contracts," I said.

"IT DOESN'T MATTER."

And Jeff went on, swearing at us, and saying that he hated the Church because of people like us. (... because I didn't take his phone calls while I was watching a football game? Really?) (And also...he hates the Church, but he goes to the Institute to hang out and watch the game? And Friday night he said he also takes a class at the Institute. Whatever.) And he told Carlos that he was lucky that he didn't take him outside to fight, because (he said) Carlos would be too big of a wuss to do it. (Ummmm. Okay.)

And then he stormed off, and he went around the room and unplugged the sound for the projector that was showing the game. (It was halftime so nobody really cared. Someone plugged it in before the game restarted.)

One of the girls sitting behind us was like, "How do you know him?!" and we told her that we rent from him, and we wondered if she had been kicked out too. And she was kinda confused, she was like "No, no, he did the same thing to me in the middle of Sacrament meeting last week." Good one, Jeff.

Carlos looked at me, and told me that this time he was actually going to move. He said he couldn't deal with Jeff anymore. Noooooo, I said, because obviously there was NO WAY I was going to stay at the house without Carlos there too. We should probably look for somewhere to move to, he suggested. (Since Jeff gave us a day and a half notice. Jerk.) Dang. Probably.

So as halftime finished, Carlos and I got up and left. We would help each other, he said.

We went out to the housing board at the Institute and combed the ads for anything that would work. Jeff started calling me again. He called me three times in a row. I didn't answer. Mostly because I was still pretty freaked out about the whole thing. Then he called Carlos a couple times. Carlos didn't answer either, and Jeff left a message.

Carlos found a new house really quickly. He called one that sounded good (and close to campus!), and it turned out to be Ben! Who had tried to sign at our house to begin with! He checked his message, and it was a yelly message from Jeff saying that he had to have his stuff out, or that Jeff would throw it out. Carlos also talked to Courtney, who said we could put stuff at her house if we needed to, while we were finding somewhere to move.

I called a few people and left messages, and decided to walk around the neighborhood and see if there were any FOR RENT signs at other houses. While I was on my way, Courtney called me. She wondered if I had a place to sleep that night, and if I'd found anything, etc. I didn't. I hadn't.

We started talking about crazy Jeff stuff, and I decided to stop by her house so we could chat. I told her about the other stuff that had happened since she left.

She walked with me to look for places, but we didn't find anything. We helped Carlos move.

She told me more stories from when she had lived there, before I moved in.

Like, Carlos had a whiteboard on the fridge, and it was at Courtney's house because Jeff had hidden it. What happened with that was, Jeff ate some soup that belonged to Carlos. Which, like, weird, but whatever. And either Courtney or Carlos wrote on the white board "ONLY EAT IT IF YOU BUY IT" (or something like that), and then Courtney added "JK" because like, it wasn't actually a big deal that he'd eaten it.

WELL. Courtney and Carlos were...at Walmart, I think, and Carlos got a call from Jeff. He didn't answer it. And then Jeff called Courtney. Who DID answer. Jeff was irate. He got all mad at her for writing "Jeff is a jerk" on the whiteboard. "Jeff, JK means "Just kidding"," she explained. It doesn't say "Jeff is a jerk." She said, but he wasn't having any of it. "I catch on to people," he said. "Jeff, I would never write that," she said. "We're friends." (He had been calling her family his adopted family...) "WE. ARE. NOT! FRIENDS!" he screamed into the receiver, enraged. And Courtney was like...afraid to go home that night. But she's sure that if Carlos would have answered his phone, Jeff would have blamed him. So she said the reason I got kicked out was for being next to Carlos when he was kicked out.

And there was the story about how she slept with a hammer, just in case, while she lived at the house.

Also, we discovered that he had promised all three of us parking spaces (I think there was just one open one).

And Courtney told me about how Jeff hadn't told people he was living in the house. So he one time walked in on a girl showering, and she didn't even realize he lived there.

And when Jeff kicked Courtney out, he kept telling people "I blew it." and they were like "Yeah." and when he was trying to convince her parents to let her stay living there, he promised to turn one of the garages into a game room with ping pong? and pool? so that Courtney could use that with her friends. (Which reminds me of something I forgot earlier-- in our Friday night chat, Jeff totally offered to rewire the house so that I could have the Internet in Courtney's old room. I was like, it probably wouldn't be worth it, and told him I'd keep my room, thanks.)

Also, Courtney said this made 6 of us now who had been kicked out of the house in the past week and two days.

So we decided I would stay the night at Courtney's. I went to my house and grabbed my work computer and my important documents, and church clothes.

Carlos drove Courtney and I to the grocery store, and while we were in the car, he got a call from someone who had seen his ad about the house and was interested. It was the funniest call. They wanted to stop by, and Carlos was like "this isn't a joke but, when I placed the ad, I was actually living there, but today the landlord kicked everyone out." He was like, "if you want to see the place, I'll give you the address and you can stop by. The location is REALLY good. The landlord is a little crazy...." Awesome.

And then on the way back, I got another call from Jeff. From an unblocked number, so I answered it. "If your stuff isn't out by the morning of the first, I'm throwing it in the street," he told me, and hung up on me. Oookay.

So we went home, and I called the police. I kind of explained the situation, with him breaking the contract, and I told them I was worried he would bother my things, and they basically would not do anything, but told me to call if he did touch my things. Or I could also call to have them escort me to get my things. (I told them I didn't have anywhere to put my things yet, so I didn't need a police escort. Yet.)

And then I went to sleep.

(I think Saturday was the most interesting day because I went from him offering to rewire the house and make car keys for me to being kicked out in like, less than a day. And I didn't do anything. Sunday was pretty interesting too, though, because it involves the police.)

Moving again. Part 4. Friday night.

A little while later, there was another knock on my door. I opened it, and nobody was there. I looked in the living room, and Jeff wasn't there, either. "Hey," he called to me from the other direction. "Do you want some sausage?" "No thanks," I said. "I just had that sandwich." (He knew I had.) "Oh. I just wondered if you or Carlos wanted some sausage." I told him I would go see if Carlos wanted some.

I went through the house, downstairs, and met the neighbor, who was fixing our washing machine. Or trying to, anyway. I knocked on Carlos' door a couple times, but he didn't answer. The neighbor was more normal, so we chatted for a bit. We talked about what I'm studying, and his niece, and what was going on with the washer. While we were chatting, Jeff came downstairs to his room or the bathroom or something, and then he went back out to the barbecue.

I went out and told him, "I don't think Carlos is here. I knocked but he didn't answer."

"He probably isn't," Jeff said. I turned to go back to my room.

"Hey!" he said. "Do you know what my name is?"

"Jeff," I answered.

"No." He said. "It's s*** on a stick. Get it?"

"No," I said. I looked at him blankly.

"I catch on to people real quick. I catch on. Do you know what I'm saying?"

"No." I went back to my room.

He knocked again later. (GOOD GRIEF! How often do I have to talk to my landlord?!!) Nobody was at the door. He was still outside.

"So you're moving out on the first, right?" he asked me.

"No..." I said. And he said something about my ad at the Institute, looking for an apartment (Aha! It suddenly made more sense. But, weird that he was residence-board-stalking me.) I explained that it was my ad from before, and that that was how Courtney had found me, and that that was how the girl who had called me that day had found me also. He understood. (He was like ohhhhhh, so that was your ad from when you were looking for an apartment? YES, I said. I told him that I had the girl take it down. I told him I hadn't been to the Institute much within the past couple days and I hadn't posted an ad for the house yet.)

And then he wanted to talk all about how he wanted to be sure that we all felt safe at the house. He said that our neighbors were not too great, and that since we had riffraffs on both sides, that was why we needed to be sure that everyone got along in our house. He said he thought what he would do is make a copy of the keys for his red car out back, and that way, if I ever felt unsafe, I could drive his car away. I told him I didn't feel unsafe, and that he could make keys if he wanted but that I wouldn't use them, so whatever. And thanks, but no thanks.

And we talked about his business. I was very very very curious how someone like him owned a rental property. He said "and another thing. I'm not the landlord. Don't call me the landlord. I'm just one of the people living here." "But everyone has to sign contracts with you and you're the one they pay rent to, right?" I said. "Well, yes," but he's not the landlord. One of the girls who was living here before wanted him to come clean the vent in her room, and do some other general housekeeping thing for her, and he said that wasn't his responsibility. He said if we have a problem with the power, or if something needs to be fixed, we should come to him, but we shouldn't consider him the landlord. That isn't what he does. He has a real job, and this isn't it. He works in [and here he listed off several western cities including Las Vegas and LA], and this is just where he lives, so we shouldn't call him the landlord. Okay, I said.

But what is it that he actually does? Excavation. He has an excavation business, and a big office in...Sandy? He rented out part of the warehouse because they didn't need all of the space, so someone who does electrical stuff (?) rented part of it. And that's why he has two computers at our house. AND THAT, is why we can't bring riffraffs like Courtney did, because all of his important data is on those computers. But I hadn't seen any computers, I said. That meant they were in his room, right? And I don't think Courtney's friends would have gone into his room. I think they would have left everything alone. Well, but there are other things too, like the TV.

And when we were talking about his business, he said he was from LA, and I said, "Oh! Where in LA?" and he said Pasadena. I told him I was from the LA area too, and he said we California people have each other's backs. He said his family was still there, and I told him mine was too. And he said, "OH! That's why you're not afraid of the neighbors! If anyone tried something, you'd pop 'em one!" "Mhmm," I said. "Maybe."

We chatted for a little while. And it seemed like he thought we were great friends. And I excused myself to go to my bedroom (because I was in the middle of reading New Moon). And he apologized for bothering me, and I said no problem, and he reminded me that we should talk to each other by telephone instead of knocking on each other's doors. "Uh huh," I said and closed my door.

I read for a bit, but I was tired and I knew I needed to get up early for a hike, so I took out my contacts and went to bed.

Moving again. Part 3. Friday day and afternoon.

Friday I woke up and went to class, and then just kind of went back home because I didn't have a whole lot else to do on campus.

Carlos wanted to talk. He wanted to know what had happened when the (too tall!) guy had stopped by to see the apartment. Trouble is, Carlos couldn't afford to pay to have a private room. So he needed to find a roommate. But a few people had been interested now, and Jeff was scaring everyone away. So he was frustrated about that. Plus, we needed to find someone for upstairs. We needed to fill the house, and fast, because we thought things would be way less weird if there were a lot of other normal people at the house. Makes sense.

We talked about why Jeff might not have wanted the attractive guy to stay. He was so clean-cut, and was just a super nice guy. I said something about how I think Jeff wants to feel...well...sort of dominant in the house. And Carlos said he thinks guys like that make Jeff feel like a loser. And that's why he won't let them rent. And that was exactly what it was.

I could understand his financial thing, too. Everyone kept offering Courtney's old room to me because it was way better. It was way bigger, and had three closets instead of my mini-closet. It had shelves. And a big mirror. And a real private entrance. When I came to see the room on Monday, we went through Courtney's room. ("I don't know why he hasn't given me a key to the front door yet...") And when I got my keys, I got keys to the front door lock, and the front door deadbolt. "Everyone has their own private entrance," Jeff explained. Courtney's room had an entrance on the side of the house. Carlos had a private basement entrance that went right into his room from the front of the house. There was a back door that Jeff mostly used. And my private door was the front door. Because it was right by my bedroom. ("We need to all get used to using our private entrances," Jeff told me a couple times. But he often used mine.)

But anyhow, about the financial thing, turns out my room cost the same as Courtney's, and I told Carlos that didn't really seem fair, and he agreed. And I couldn't switch because the hook up for the Internet was in my room, and it had to be.

So Carlos and I had our chat, and he went to chat with Jeff about his roommate situation. And they chatted, but I don't really know how that went.

And then someone knocked on my door, and I opened the door and nobody was there. I looked in the kitchen and Jeff was there. "We all need to talk," he said. Carlos had taken off, though. He raised his voice. "That guy who came by the other day? It never would have worked. We need someone that we can all just get along with. That missionary type? It would have never worked. It was better to head it off before it started. Know what I mean?" I shrugged. "I get along with everyone," I told him, "so I think he would have been fine." He was kind of surprised that I said I could get along with everyone. He dropped it. "And another point. $450?! I don't know anyone around here who is charging $450." "Huh," I said. "What does that have to do with anything?" And apparently he'd "heard" that I thought rent was too much. (At the time, I thought maybe it was because of the conversation with Carlos. It wasn't, though. I realized later, he read my ad on the Institute board, where I was looking for an apartment. I said on it that I didn't want to pay any more than $450ish. Which was true, because plenty of places in the area go from like $270 to $350, to maybe maybe $400, but I would agree to $450 if it was a good one.) At the time I was really confused, though. And he talked about some other housekeeping issues, I don't really remember what. "If we need to talk to each other, let's just use our cellphones," he said. "It's easier." "Okay," I shrugged.

And I slept, and went running, and showered and stuff. And later, I went to go look for food and to see what was in the general area of my house. As I was leaving, a girl called about my "looking for an apartment" ad, and I told her about the house, and invited her to stop by, and asked her to please take my card down because I'd forgotten about it. I kept walking. I found a cool outdoor concert at the Graywhale CD store that was like a block from my house. I heard them play several songs and then bought their CD. ("You can have them sign it," the guys inside said.) The band was called Delta Spirit, and since they were an indie band, I called Optimistic to see if he'd heard of them. He had.

I visited a bicycle shop that was right there. And then I got a sandwich and went home.

There was a Muslim girl standing in the front yard, with a Muslim guy and a little girl. They asked if I lived in the house, and I told them I do, and they said they had seen the FOR RENT sign and they wanted to see the room. They said they had been calling the number and nobody had answered. I apologized (ACK. JEFF!) and invited them in. In broken English they explained that the room was for the older girl, and I'm not sure if the little girl would be staying there or not. The guy wasn't going to be, though. They asked a bunch of questions about the house and what areas were shared and that kind of stuff. As I brought them through the front door, Jeff opened the private entrance to the room that was available. I walked her around, and he was in there, waiting. He half ignored them.

They seemed really interested. She goes to school, and she wanted to be close. They were like, "so to apply we have to talk to him, right?" and I was like "well...yeah..." and the arrangement they came up with was that they would call Jeff to come by and 'apply' sometime. But it was all wayyyy vaguer than it needed to be considering that it was someone who wanted the room. Whatever.

I went to my room, because it really wasn't my job to show them the room since Jeff was there. When they left, he knocked on my door. I opened it and nobody was there. I found Jeff in the kitchen.

"Do you think that's the kind of person who meets our criteria?" Jeff was annoyed. "Jeff," I said. "They saw the sign. They wanted to see it so I showed it to them." He was like, "I know, I was going to too. You have to, so you're not discriminating." He said, "But do you think you could live with her? Don't you want a student? With your...culture?" I said, "Really, I get along with pretty much everyone. So someone else would maybe be more fun, but I'm sure I would get along with her just fine." "Really," Jeff said. "Mhmm." "People like that are different, though. Students pick up after themselves. With people like them, things wouldn't get put away..." I shrugged.

"Has anyone else called about your ad on the Institute board?" he asked.

"No," I said. I didn't mention that I hadn't put one up. "OH! Actually, yes." I remembered the girl who called about my old ad. I told him I gave her the address and that she was probably going to come by. I went back to my room.

Moving again. Part 2.

I agreed to meet him in 10 minutes, because I had a class right afterwards, but he wanted me to sign ASAP. I signed the contract. It was until next May, which I wasn't wild about, but whatever.

I met Carlos. And Jeff, the landlord. Courtney and her parents were there.

We chatted a bit and Jeff assured me that the Internet should be on soon. Courtney's parents asked me a bit about myself and about work (people tend to worry that since I sleep during the day everything will have to be silent, but I can sleep through pretty much anything). Carlos seemed cool.

Jeff was kinda weird. He had Carlos sign the last page of his contract. (That wasn't the weird part.) He filled out my contract, and he mixed up the Lessor/ Lessee stuff, so that it seemed like he was renting from me. It's cool, though. I drew a double arrow to correct it. I paid my hefty deposit and rent for the last week of August. Actually, Courtney's parents paid it because I wasn't thinking when I packed my last box of stuff, and now my checkbook is packed somewhere. Plus, I hadn't been planning on signing (it was all kind of spur-of-the-moment), so I wasn't prepared for it, but they said it would be kind of a big deal to Jeff if I didn't pay Right Then. I had planned to pay the day that I moved in, when I had my boxes. Or I could have gone to the bank for cash. They said they didn't mind spotting me the money, and I could mail them a check. Fine.

While we were signing contracts, Courtney's dad was trying to call Ben, who wanted to sign too. When Jeff went to make copies of our signed contracts, Courtney's mom said Ben had come by earlier to sign. And Jeff told him, "You can't live here." So he left without signing. And then, when Courtney's parents found out about it, they all sat around and said nice things about Ben for I think like 20 minutes. And Jeff said "I guess Ben wasn't so bad." So they were trying to get him to come back and sign after all. I don't think they ever reached him.

Carlos was going to move in that night (Tuesday).

Since the Internet wasn't there, I couldn't really move in yet. I did come back after classes and study for a bit in my (very!) air-conditioned room. I left a few books there, because why carry them if I don't have to?!

Carlos did move in. Wednesday I still didn't, but I left a few more books. When I came by after class, there was a (very attractive) guy in front of the house. "Do you live here?" "Yeah," I told him. "Oh," he said. He told me that he was thinking about renting at our house, and sharing with Carlos. "I saw it yesterday, but I was still deciding so I was hoping I could see it again." "No problem! Come on in," I said.

I started to take him through the living room and kitchen to get to the stairs, but Jeff was in the living room. Since he would technically be renting from Jeff, I introduced them. "This is Jeff," I said, "He's our landlord. Jeff, this guy wanted to see the room." "You're too tall," Jeff said. I laughed and so did the guy. He was pretty tall, probably 6'4 or 6'5, but he wasn't abnormally tall. "No," Jeff said, "I'm being seriously. You can't live here. I think you're too tall." "Oh, I'm sure he'll be fine," I told Jeff. "I was here yesterday," the guy said, "and it was kind of small, but not because I'm too tall." Anyhow, we kind of brushed it off.

I said I was going to take him downstairs, and I did. When we got downstairs, I told him the landlord is really weird, and he said Carlos had warned him about that. I said Carlos is cool, though, and he agreed. I didn't know which room he needed, but the guy did, and the door was locked. "Oh. Sorry," I said. "It's okay. I probably should have asked Carlos anyway," he said. I shrugged. We went back upstairs. The guy left. Jeff followed him outside, saying something that I couldn't hear. (Later I found out that he told the guy that, no, really, he couldn't live at our house.)

On Thursday, I was going to be moving my stuff.

That morning, though, I got a call from Courtney's dad. "Jeff's asked Courtney to leave for a second time, and we've decided it's best for her to go. We think all three of you should probably plan on leaving at the same time. We're driving up, and we'll talk to him, and I'll let you know when we know more."

I told him that I would prefer not to have to move, because the location was ideal. But I started thinking about possible alternatives while I waited for his call.

He left a message while I was in one of my classes. When I called him back, he said, "I think you'll be all right. Carlos is staying." He said, "Courtney's loud. She's 19. You and Carlos are more quiet. Jeff gets along better with people who are more quiet. He doesn't like surprises." He also said that Comcast had just set up the Internet. In my room. And they had been testing it and it worked. So I was a little nervous about moving in that night, but relieved that I didn't have to find another place to live. And I was relieved to be able to work from home again without any problems.

I figured I would just be especially careful not to provoke Jeff, and I'd be fine. I'm a busy person. I have full time school, and full time work, plus I'm planning on being really involved in school and at the Institute, plus I have to sleep sometimes, so I just wouldn't see Jeff much and then I'd be okay. Jess suggested I treat it like I was just renting the room, and not part of the house. The room had its own microwave and fridgey-freezery thing, so I wouldn't even really have to use the kitchen.

Courtney's parents asked if I could swap checks with them (...um, no, my checkbook was still packed...), and we agreed that I would bring cash and either pay Jeff (if they could get their check back), or I would reimburse them. Which was fine, of course.

I passed by the house while Courtney was moving, and her dad asked me to call Jeff to see if he had cashed the check. I went out to the FOR RENT sign, typed his number into my phone and called. The phone rang. And rang. And rang. And then someone answered. "Church offices :) " "Oh," I said. "This was the number that was on a sign for a house that is for rent." "Is it 242? Because ours is 242..." "Ummmm," I walked out to the sign. I read the number. It had nothing that even remotely resembled 242. "Well," the lady said cheerfully, "maybe you misdialed. Try calling again." "Okay." I checked the number and it was correct. I called it again anyway, and the same thing happened. "I think I have the wrong number," I said when they answered.

Turns out, Dave (Courtney's dad) had been getting the same thing. Like, since the night before. Jeff set his phone to forward calls to the Church Offices building! "He probably thinks it's funny," Dave said. A few minutes later, Jeff called Dave and said "Tell the person to give you the money," and he hung up on him. I gave them the money, and had them sign something saying I'd paid it.

While I was there, Courtney told me she had brought by a couple friends. They were black guys, but they were guys who dance ballet in her program at school. Not threatening people. She brought them by, and Jeff had kicked them out. "No!" I gasped. She continued, "Leave," he said. "I don't want them tearing up the place." I looked at Courtney, my eyes widened. "Oh. My. Gosh."

And then, apparently Jeff had bought a big sheet cake, like the ones from Costco. Courtney said she thought it was like, to celebrate everyone moving in. (Mostly her and Carlos.) But he never said she could eat it, so she didn't eat it. But it was way way more than one person could eat. And the day that Courtney moved out, he threw it away. Like, to make it so she couldn't eat it, which she wasn't anyway.

And then, I guess another point of contention was, there was this tan colored sweater-wrap. I saw it the day that I signed my contract, hanging from the FOR RENT sign, the same way that people will put mittens or other lost clothes up higher so that hopefully the owner walks past again and sees it. WELL, apparently Jeff saw it outside and brought it in and asked Courtney if it was hers. And she said it wasn't. And he said, "Well, it is now!" and threw it in her room. But obviously, she didn't want some dirty sweater that wasn't hers that he found on the ground. So she said she didn't want it and threw it out of her room.

And then, Courtney's mom had bought two Bath & Body Works fancy-schmanzy plug-in air fresheners. And they put one of them in the living room, and I guess he threw it away or hid it when he found out Courtney was moving out.

And then, he took everything out of Courtney's closet and put it into the closet that's in the living room. (Random!) (And...ew, don't touch her stuff.)

Anyway. They packed her up, but Courtney was just moving a few houses down, so she would still be in my ward. I told her I would let her know about anything else exciting that happened.

That night, Jessica's in-laws brought a big load of stuff up to my house, and so did Jess and Mitch. It wasn't everything, but it was almost everything.

Jeff knocked on my door and walked off. I answered the door, and found him in the living room. "I noticed you didn't bring a bed," he said. "I have an extra queen bed. Do you want it? I won't even charge you extra." "Umm," I said. "Just come look at it." "Okay."

I followed him out behind the house, to one of the garages. He opened it and indicated a huge mattress set. "No thanks," I said. "I'd prefer to have the extra space in my room." "Are you sure," he asked, and I told him I would let him know if I changed my mind. "Oh, yeah, and I guess you would have to buy different sized stuff..." Yeah, no, thanks. And then he asked me how I knew Dave (Courtney's dad), and I said that I only knew him because Courtney had called me about the room in the house. "I just didn't get a chance to know Courtney," he said. "Yeah." I agreed. He continued, "And then she came by with some riffraffs..." "Uh huh," I said. I was ready to go back to my room, so I politely excused myself. "You got a ride?" he asked, and pointed at his car. He was offering to share his car with me. "Seriously, any time you want to borrow something, just ask." "Thanks," I said.

That night I couldn't get my work computer to recognize the Internet connection. So I missed work. I slept. In the morning I called and talked to our special technical people and they helped me figure it out. FINALLY! I could work from home again, like normal!

...or could I?

(PS, I know these would maybe be more interesting with pictures, and I usually like to put pictures, but I just don't even know what to include pictures of. Plus, I usually take pictures with my iPhone because it's easy to upload them. But I connect it to my regular computer, which I haven't been able to access for like 2 weeks. AND! I had to put new system software on it, so I'm still trying to figure out how to get iTunes again since my computer is older than dirt. Anywho, sorry for the lack of pictures. Jeff is short and stubby and blond and looks...slow. Courtney wears heart shaped sunglasses and is a ballet dancer. She's really pretty. Carlos is totally American, but his parents I think are probably immigrants. Dave looks like a Bishop.)

Moving again. Part 1.

I got kicked out of my house. After living there for two days.

This is such a crazy story.

SO, I've been looking for a new apartment for a while. I actually had to be out of my old apartment a week and a half ago, and I've been staying with Jess' in-laws.

Last Sunday, a girl called me about an ad I put up at the U of U Institute, saying that I was looking for an apartment. She had moved into a house and there was an open room. It cost more than I had really wanted to pay, but it was in THE MOST EXCELLENT location. And since I don't have a car, and since I really needed somewhere to move to, I told her I was very interested. I asked if it had the Internet, and not just wifi (I have to be able to connect my computer for work), and she confirmed that it had already been ordered. I asked if I could see it Monday morning. She said I could if it was still available; it was first-come first-served, and there were other people interested too.

But I have no car, so I told her I'd call tomorrow, and if it was available, great, and if not, I supposed I would find something else.

It was available! I skipped my Institute class Monday afternoon and went to check it out. The house was across the street from the U of U law school. It was a block from TRAX (the train system). The house was set back from the street a bit and had a pretty yard with lots of landscaping and fruit trees and stuff. It was cute!

The girl who lived there was cute, too. She showed me the house, and my room was apart from hers (which is good since I work nights and chatter on the phone for work). I was somewhat surprised to learn that although it was an LDS-standards house, it would be girls upstairs and guys downstairs. The girl, Courtney, was upstairs, and she would have a roommate. Downstairs there was the captain of the soccer team, and a guy named Carlos, and the guy who owned the house. The laundry room (downstairs), and the kitchen and living room (upstairs) were shared, but there would be a door installed between the upstairs and downstairs, which could be locked from either side.

She said the landlord was a little slow, and that it was best to talk to him slowly and about one thing at a time, but that he was very good at doing things to improve the house. For example, she brought white chairs for the kitchen, and he painted the kitchen table white to match them. Great! Everyone always hopes for a landlord that will respond quickly.

I said that it looked good, but I just really needed to have the Internet. Courtney understood. I told her to call me when she knew how long it would be before it was installed.

The next day I got a call from the landlord. He said that he had already requested the Internet a few days ago, and that Comcast had told him it would be a few days. I said I just needed to be sure the Internet would be on, and he said "WELL, COME SIGN THEN!" He said he would get me a printout showing that it had been ordered, and he said he couldn't keep following up on it but he said he would get me the number and I can call about it as much as I want.

I said okay, and I went to sign the contract.

School Stories 11 - Misc

Just a few random things from the past few days, that I thought were worth sharing.

Yesterday in English, we had to bring an item so that everyone could think critically about it. For example, the guy who likes beer brought a beer bottle, and we thought critically: why are beer bottles shaped the way they are? Why is the label the way that it is? Is the beer different because it's imported? Why is the beer different because it's imported? Etc, etc. Some people forgot to bring items for us to analyze. Other people "brought" things like their cellphone or a pen. (I took a fortune cookie. What does that say about society?) My favorite item though...

"I brought in a ceramic mushroom." (Rannndom.) "I used to work in a ceramic mushroom factory." (Whaaaat....?) The class laughed. "Old ladies go nuts for these things." Awesome.

And then for my other class, we had to read "just a few poems" ( = over 50 pages). My favorite parts from that were:

- From the description of Tennyson,
"Tall, ruggedly handsome, and with a faraway look in his eyes that was actually due to myopia, Tennyson fit everyone's idea of how a poet should look."

(p. 1231, The Longman Anthology of British Literature, Volume 2B, The Victorian Age.)

I just really love the part about how he had a faraway look in his eyes, and that made him look like a poet, but that it was actually because he couldn't see. And that they wrote about it in the anthology. Good job.

- "Swans can live as many as 50 years."
(from a footnote for Tithonus, p.1246)

Huh. Who knew?

And then, this morning in my US Government class, the professor posted this:

Test
Short Answer

A liberal is a guy who believes in school busing, but he does not believe there should be prayers in school.
A conservative believes in school prayer but no school busing.
A moderate believes children should pray on the bus on the way to school.

Based on class discussions, it seems like there are far, far more liberals in my class than conservatives. (Even though I'm at a Utah university.) It makes me want to start a College Republicans club (there's College Democrats one) and join the NRA. No problem. It was just like this in California.

I'm also thinking of starting a Knitting Club, since it doesn't seem like there is one. There is a nine page listing of clubs, and there are no College Republicans OR Knitting clubs. Next week is our big thing where all of the clubs set up booths and try to get you to join, so I suspect I'll have more to say after that.

In other news, I finally have a house in Salt Lake. And I think I'm getting sick. And I read Twilight. (Which I thought I would read never in a million years, but actually ended up liking. Go figure.) My favorite thing about Twilight (aside from Edward, of course) was all of the foreshadowing. Awesome. Annnd, I'm actually at the library right now because I had to pick up the second one. Which my school library has ONE copy of, and it was in. Which is probably because all of the other University of Utah students are reading real books. Whatever.

How to Study the Scriptures

This is a handout that we got in my Institute class yesterday. (It's Brother Brown's New Testament class at the U of U Institute of Religion.) His favorite ones have the numbers in bold. He said "If something else works for you, keep doing it and add it to the list. If it works, it's good."

HOW TO STUDY THE SCRIPTURES

1. Pray and ask for specific spiritual guidance.

2. Listen and be sensitive to spiritual promptings.

3. Limit the scripture block to just a few verses and don't be afraid to go slowly.

4. Have a good attitude. Approach the scripture block as if there was a special message from the Lord just for you and then study and ponder to find it.

5. Use the new LDS version of the scriptures and the study helps. [Note for readers who are not LDS: we use the King James Version of the Bible; we just have footnotes and a topical guide and index, etc.]

6. RSVP - Especially visualize. Let the words paint pictures and images in your mind. [ RSVP = Read, Study, Visualize, and Ponder]

7. Focus on: Words - look them up and read all definitions for context.
Phrases - ponder and try to understand meanings.
Lists - look for and number the lists you find.

8. Ask questions and study to find answers (who, what, how, why, when, and where).

9. Focus on principles and doctrines; if/then relationships.

10. Look for symbols and ponder the characteristics of the symbols used.

11. Thus/therefore relationships; connecting words.

12. Look for Christ in everything you read.

13. Use other scripture sources and the teachings of the living prophets to clarify.

14. Try to study at the same time and in the same place each day. Develop a habit of scripture study.

15. Look for themes and story lines. Note protagonists and antagonists and watch for comparisons.

16. Put yourself in the scripture and ask questions like: How would I feel? What would I do? etc.

17. Read out loud occasionally and write down what you discover.

18. Share what you discover. Mark and annotate your scriptures.

19. Study cultural applications.

20. Ponder and meditate about what you've read -- this is when the Spirit will guide you.

School Stories 10 - English - Tell Me Something Interesting About Yourself

Well, I just know I'm going to have tons of stories about school this term; I always do. I will probably also have a bunch of stories about my little house that I'm moving into, but more about that later.

My Intro to Critical Theory class kind of makes my brain hurt. I initially thought I was going to hate it, actually, and towards the end of the class I decided I think it will be okay. I guess we'll see. The professor seems really interested in things like "What is race?" "What is gender?" "Why do we have race?" "Is there race?" "Why do we have gender?" "Is there gender?" He says our class is about asking questions that people don't usually ask. Now, anyone who knows me knows that I like to ask questions, but.... I like gender roles. I like being able to label things. If I say that I want Italian food, it's easy, and communicative, and maybe there are some Italians that eat Chinese food, but people are going to know that I mean pasta. And that isn't a bad thing!

Anyway, at the end of class we went around the room and we were supposed to say our name, where we were from (almost everyone was from SLC. Like 1/7 of us were from other places.), our major (it's a required upper division class for English majors, sooooo I think everyone but like one girl said that they were majoring in English. They had different other stuff with it, though...), and something about ourselves that made us unique or whatever. The professor said that sometimes partway through the semester he sometimes finds out that someone is suuuper into water polo, or that they own their own business, or whatever, and he's always just like "why didn't I know that?" so he wanted us to say that stuff.

It was kind of interesting though, because if you had to just choose one thing about you, that people would remember about you, what one thing would you tell? I think for some people it's easier, because their whole life is permeated by soccer or something, but for everyone else it's an interesting question. People had a wide variety of answers, and I collected them to share here.

1. Speaks English as a first language and Spanish as a second language. Thinks in both languages. When he is tired, things come out in Spanish, which confuses other people.


2. LIKES BEER. A LOT. Likes brewing it, drinking it, anything with it.


3. Plays water polo.


4. Favorite thing to do is coach cheer.


5. Likes to write. [Seriously? You couldn't come up with anything better than that?! It's an English class. 2/3 of us like to write. AND, not only that, nobody asked what she likes to write. Poetry? Short stories? Who knows.]


6. Works at the library and "enjoys seeing what the community values in literacy."


7. Also plays water polo.


8. Has worked with at-risk kids since she was 16, and it's her second biggest passion--next to English. [Passionate about English over touching people's lives? Ooookay.]


9. Plays table tennis competitively.


10. Her name is "Carusa" (sp?) buuuut she goes by "Cricket." [Cool.] [Tracy?]


11. Likes participating in haunted houses. [Awesome random thing.]


12. Coached two different little league teams to... district? finals? championships? I forget.


13. "The only thing I like better than a long walk or a good nap is a new friend in a new language." [He has a good hand on Russian. Can speak Ukranian okay. And in Spanish he knows how to ask where the bathroom is.]


14. Doesn't speak Spanish. [Looks very Central American, and she says people come up to her and start speaking Spanish daily.]


15. Trained formally in oil painting and drawing.


16. Two favorite things are writing and sky diving. [ = my new best friend. But she doesn't know it yet.]


17. Is a life student. Said she will die before her loans are paid off.


18. Just started a girls bike club. Critical mass! Alleycat! [The teacher was like, you're using jargon, what are you talking about?] Critical mass you can ride any kind of bike (motorcycle), and it's the last Friday of every month. People meet at Gallivan Plaza at 5:30 pm to ride as a group and "make a statement" that you don't have to drive. Alleycat is actually this time called "AlleyScat" because it's music themed. You can ride any kind of bike for that too. It's like a scavenger hunt. [Not really sure how that works, but it almost almost makes me wish I were into biking. Almost.]


19. Likes "watching teachers teach and make mistakes" [our professor was like "!!?" and he said "so I don't make them" and it was because he's becoming a teacher.]

That was probably half or two thirds of the people. Neat though, huh. People are interesting.

What is your email address?

I just had an interesting call at work.

The man told me he wanted to upgrade his subscription from a trial to a membership that included more. Okay, I said, what was his email address

"bmheh 1945 AT ...dotcodotuk"

"What?" I asked.

"bevin1945 AT ...dotcodotuk"

"Sorry," I said, "I've got bevin1945 at .co.uk, but what comes before .co.uk?"

"NOW I'LL TELL IT TO YOU, AND YOU LISTEN! IT'S BEVIN. 1945. THE BIG A. DOT CO, DOT UK."

"Okay, there needs to be something before .co.uk, though. For some people it's btinternet, or sky, or aol. It's your service provider..."

"Mine's just at dot co dot uk!"

"Well, there needs to be something else between the at and dot co dot uk. Could it be..."

"I CAN'T MAKE ONE UP!"

He was really annoyed with me for not accepting that his email address was @.co.uk.

"Well, do you know if your username that you're using is bevin1945?" (A lot of times the system makes up a username from the beginning of the email address.)

"WHAT?!"

And then I found it.

The email address? Yahoo.

It reminds me of the time someone was mad because they were emailing us and we weren't replying.

"What email address did you write to," I asked.

"I sent it to www.yourcompany.co.uk"

...okay.

Neil Patrick Harris called me for my birthday!

Remember how I mentioned that I love Neil Patrick Harris? He plays Barney Stinson on How I Met Your Mother. More people know him because he played Doogie on Doogie Howser.

He called me for my birthday! It was pretty much awesome.

I'd been up in Salt Lake, apartment hunting. I was headed back down to Provo and my phone rang, with a number that I didn't recognize. I assumed it was someone returning one of the messages I'd left about an apartment. But a guy answered. Kinda weird.

"Is this Emily?"

"Yeah."

"Hi Emily, this is Neil Patrick Harris."

"Wait. Who?"

"It's Neil Patrick Harris." (He wasn't calling me back about an apartment.)

"Seriously?!"

"Yeah. I'm calling to wish you a Happy Birthday."

"Oh. Thanks!"

He said my dad shot him an email to let him know that it was my birthday and see if he would call. (They are members at the same private club in Hollywood.)

"Oh, did he tell you you're my favorite actor?"

He said he hadn't, and I told him that it had all started with How I Met Your Mother, and that I'd also watched Dr. Horrible. He was excited that I'd seen Dr. Horrible.

He talked to me a bit about them filming season four of How I Met Your Mother. I couldn't really hear what he said for that part, because the train made a bunch of noise. And then he asked me what I was doing to celebrate my birthday. I told him about how my roommates and I have a tradition of going out to dinner for our birthdays, and then doing something, but it's always a surprise. So I didn't really know what I was going to be doing.

And he wished me a happy birthday again and told me he hoped I would have fun (or something like that), and I thanked him and thanked him for calling, and I told him he made my day.

How nice. And awesome.

And then I thought of the things I wished I had thought to ask while I was on the phone with him. Like about the doormat in season one of HIMYM. And about whether or not he has a blog, since in Doogie Howser he did (well, an old-school blog, which was basically a journal on his computer), and in HIMYM his character is always talking about his blog. And Felicia Day is on twitter, so who knows, maybe Neil Patrick Harris is too.

And I thought about calling him back to ask, but stalking someone seems like a rude way to thank a celebrity for calling you.

YSA Summit 5 - Deciding to Decide 4/4

Decision Quotes

We do not always receive inspiration or revelation when we request it. Sometimes we are delayed in receiving revelation, and sometimes we are left to our own judgment and understanding based on study and reason. We cannot force spiritual things. It must be so. Our life’s purpose to obtain experience and to develop faith would be frustrated if our Heavenly Father enlightened us immediately on every question or directed us in every act. We must reach conclusions and make decisions and experience the consequences in order to develop self-reliance and faith. Even in decisions we think very important, we sometimes receive no answers to our prayers. This does not mean our prayers have not been heard. It only means we have prayed about a decision that, for one cause or another, we should make without guidance by revelation. – Dallin Oaks, The Lord’s Way, 1991, pp. 36-38.

The second decision for us to consider is this: Whom shall I marry? Now we’re getting close to that which is in your mind and heart. It is essential that you become well acquainted with the person whom you plan to marry, that you can make certain that you are looking down the same pathway, with the same objectives in mind. It is ever so significant that you do this. I should like to dispel one rumor that is very hard to put to rest. I know of no mission president in all the world who has ever told a missionary that he had the responsibility to marry within six months after his mission. I think that rumor was commenced by a returned missionary. In making the momentous decision concerning whom you will marry—and in making other decisions throughout your life—you have a formula, a guide to assist you. It is found in the ninth section of the Doctrine and Covenants, verses 8-9:

“You must study it out in your mind; then you must ask me if it be right, and if it is right I will cause that your bosom shall burn within you; therefore, you shall feel that it is right. But if it be not right you hall have no such feelings, but you shall have a stupor of thought.”

That counsel from the ninth section of the Doctrine and Covenants has guided me, and it will guide you. – Thomas Monson

Now may I move to the last decision: What will be my life’s work? I have counseled many returning missionaries who have asked this question. I interviewed seventeen hundred missionaries one year all over the world. My advice to them, and to each one of you young people here this evening and elsewhere throughout the world, is that you should study and prepare for your life’s work in a field that you enjoy, because you are going to spend a good share of your life in that field. It should be one which will challenge your intellect and which will make maximum utilization of your talents and your capabilities. Finally, it should be a field that will supply sufficient remuneration to provide adequately for your companion and your children. Now that’s a big order. But I bear testimony that these criteria are very important in choosing your life’s work. – Thomas Monson

This is not the end. It is not even the beginning of the end. But it is, perhaps, the end of the beginning. - Speech given by Winston Churchill at the Lord Mayor’s Luncheon, Mansion House, London, November 10, 1942 (middle of WWII)

The End.

P.S. I know my fonts and spacing and stuff do crazy things sometimes when I write stuff in Word and then copy paste it into here. It doesn't give me the option to change the font, so I don't know what's up. Oh well.

YSA Summit 4 - Deciding to Decide 3/4

I think our speaker had served as a mission president. He had one of his elders come to him, who had joined the Marines after his mission. The guy said that he could tell in his first week that being in the Marines would be a lot different than the past two years he had spent as a missionary, and he was worried about that. So, the workshop speaker told us what he told the guy. It comes down to 3 hours, 3 days, 3 weeks, 3 months. He told him, in the first 3 hours, live your values without bragging about it. In the first 3 days, be quiet and dignified, and read your scriptures at night, but you don’t have to announce it to everyone or make a big deal about it. In the first 3 weeks, attend church on the Sabbath, and continue living what you believe. And after 3 months, because of the decisions that you’ve been making, people who don’t believe the same as you will support you in making the right decisions. He said that if we break it down into 3 hours, 3 days, 3 weeks, 3 months that we will gain the support of other people around us.

After we finished talking about the 3s, he showed us our application exercise, which we were to use to apply the decision principles. I recreated it from my handout. Hope you have good eyesight.


Beneath it there's the question:
What is something I can do in the next 3 hours, 3 days, 3 weeks, 3 months?

YSA Summit 3 - Deciding to Decide 2/4

How can I make better decisions?

Decision Principles

1. Answer: what do I want? If we don’t know “what is wanted” (which is the critical question), the Lord doesn’t know how to interact with us. Will the Lord support our righteous desires? Yes. And how do we determine what we want? By answering two questions: What is easy, energizing, and enjoyable for me? And, “What if I were guaranteed success? Then what would I want?”

2. Get real. Our aspirations should be within the limits of our resources. Here he gave an example of how he wanted to be a pro basketball player, and tried playing for his school but quickly learned that he was just too short and not any good at basketball. (It’s wonderful to have aspirations, but it’s dangerous to have aspirations that exceed our capabilities.) How do we get real? Try it. If it doesn’t work, let it go. If you have conflicting goals, put yourself in a position to do both. (Someone asked about wanting to be a mother, or if she didn’t get married, she wanted to be a doctor.) We need to make sure that our aspirations are real, or we will just face repeated disappointment.

3. Chunk. Turn a long term aspiration into today’s goal. Make choices that are within your control. (On some other tangent, he said everything has a price. Luke – “Before you build a tower count the cost.”) There are four steps to this. 1. Think big. 2. Test small. (You want to be a doctor, take a Bio class.) 3. Fail fast. (It’s okay to fail. Rejoice in rejection because you were doing the right thing.) His example for this was, he briefly thought he wanted to be an accountant, but he took an accounting class and learned that he hated accounting. And that was fine! Because he realized it wasn’t the right thing and moved on. 4. Learn always.

4. Let go and begin anew. (Identify that I can be evolved.) When you let go and begin anew, you need to 1. Disidentify. The identity you HAD is not the identity you WILL have. 2. Disengage. Don’t call the same people. 3. Accept that you’re disoriented. 4. Accept that you may be a little disenchanted. There are two things that you take from any transition: 1. Knowledge from our experience, and 2. Relationships. We should nurture good relationships.

5. Prioritize. NOT everything worth doing is worth doing well. There have been whole studies about this, and it’s called satisfice. Some things are so important to do that they’re worth doing poorly. There are a lot of things that are worth doing well. There are a lot of things that aren’t. Do them anyway. (He told us a story of when he was getting his….doctorate? Masters? I don’t remember. But he told us things were different back then. He said he went to his dean because he was going to have to take some class that had absolutely nothing to do with what he was actually studying. He told his dean he didn’t want to take it. His dean said, “Well, you have to. It’s required.” And he asked, “Do I have to pass it?” And the dean said nobody had ever asked him that! And so that meant no, and he went to the first day of the class and told the teacher that he had nothing against him (he didn’t even know him), but that he would not be attending any more classes, and that he planned to fail the class. He got 3 F’s as part of the degree, and graduated with the lowest GPA of anyone doing his program, with like a 3.18 or something. He said though, he’s as proud of those 3 F’s as he is as he is of all of his A’s. Because those 3 F’s meant that he prioritized correctly; in the same time he also published a book and wrote articles, etc, which was far more valuable and relevant to him than classes that someone had arbitrarily decided that he should take.) Learn the things that are important.

6. Reflect, repent, and renew. A big predictor of the success of a leader – is whether or not they can LEARN (their “learning agility”). We have weaknesses that we need to learn from and sins that we need to repent of. Sometimes we mix these up.

7. Make mature choices. (Your decisions will not always be right or wrong; have them be the best that you can do.) It’s not either/or. Almost every choice has trade offs. What am I willing to trade? When we goof, begin anew. How do we make mature choices? Envision. Anticipate. Know your strengths (the things that are easy, energizing, and enjoyable for you). Also, enjoy the process. (Don’t play the “if only” game. Because when we play the “if only” game, we never win.)

8. Seek spiritual guidance. Will the Lord bless us as we make decisions? Yes. We feel the Spirit in different ways. He wanted us to list at least eight, and the ones our group came up with were: - through the scriptures, - prayer, - attending church, - attending the temple, - through service, - being still (anywhere) (If you’re ever on an airplane and you don’t want the people next to you to talk to you, he said, take out your Book of Mormon or Bible and start reading. That always works. Or if it doesn’t, start humming as you’re reading. Then they never bother you. He flies at least six times per week to teach at the University of Michigan.), – music, - bearing testimony (sometimes bearing testimony by deed), - teaching, – writing/journaling, - spending time with friends/family. Whatever language of the Spirit, let him participate in your decision making. God will answer our prayers in a way that we understand.

YSA Summit 2 - Deciding to decide 1/4

The second workshop I attended was called "Deciding to decide…How to make choices today that will guide us tomorrow". It was by Dave Ulrich (duo@umich.edu) – He teaches at the University of Michigan business school and does consulting for businesses to like, help them optimize stuff and make more money.

This is the beginning part of his handout, with some of his comments added.

As a result of this workshop, you should be more able to:
- Recognize your decision predisposition or style of decision making.
- Understand and appreciate principles of decision making to make better decisions.
- Apply those principles to specific decisions you are likely to make.

Personal insight:
Please answer these questions about yourself as honestly as you can (circle a or b on each of the 10, then add up your A’s and B’s).

1. Is it your way to
a. make up your mind quickly b. pick and choose at some length
2. Are you more satisfied having
a. a finished product b. work in progress
3. Do you more often prefer
a. final, unalterable statements b. tentative, preliminary statements
4. Are you comfortable
a. after a decision b. before a decision
5. In most situations are you more
a. deliberate than spontaneous b. spontaneous than deliberate
6. Do you prefer to work
a. to deadlines b. just whenever
7. Are you inclined to be more
a. hurried than leisurely b. leisurely than hurried
8. Would you say you are more
a. serious and determined b. easygoing
9. Is it preferable mostly to
a. make sure that things are arranged b. just let things happen naturally
10. Are you more
a. routinized than whimsical b. whimsical than routinized
A:___ B:___ = 10

Personal style of decision making
As we make decisions, our predispositions come out and we tend to over and under react. We need to recognize our predispositions and moderate them. If we have more A’s (like 7 or 8 or more or something), then that’s a high “J”(judging) predisposition, which means we go too quickly in decision making. If we have more B’s, then that’s a high “P” (perceiving) predisposition, which means we’re going too slow, or can’t decide. Which ever one you are, fight it.

YSA Summit 1 - 17 Secrets to Male and Female Psychology

[I am writing a series of posts about a YSA Conference that I attended this weekend, called The Summit. It's going to be good. Look forward to other highlights like: "How can I make better decisions?" and photographs of actual speed dating profiles.]

This is the handout that we received in my fourth workshop. The class was called “17 Secrets to Male & Female Psychology” (by Alisa Goodwin Snell). It was scheduled for one of the small classrooms, and the room filled, and the whole hallway was still packed with people who wanted to attend. They switched the room to a gym, which also filled up. Basically, she just went over the handout. The girls agreed with all of the stuff on the girl list, and the guys agreed with all of the stuff on the guy list. Everyone kind of shared examples. It was interesting.

17 secrets to the male psychology

1. Men seek out relationships that make them feel trusted and respected.

2. Men love through sacrifice.

3. Good men are largely logical about their relationships and commitment. Thus they do not commit easily to things they have not invested in over a period of time.

4. Men are driven to succeed, face challenges, compete, and conquer.

5. Men like women who like themselves.

6. Men love to be heroes.

7. Men like being appreciated.

8. Men like femininity.

9. Men like women who have opinions and assert their needs.

10. Good men pursue women who are approachable and appear to be available.

11. Good men want sex with a woman who feels good about having sex with them and will wait until marriage.

12. Men need to be needed.

13. Men are repelled by criticism, nagging, and whining.

14. A man experiences anxiety in every conversation a woman initiates until she tells him what she wants him to do.

15. Men bond through doing activities and talking about things more than they do through talking about people, problems, feelings, or ideas.

16. Good men adore women who give them love, attention, and affection.

17. Good men are often willing to talk openly and honestly when they feel it will help them or another person to do so.

17 secrets to the female psychology

1. Women thrive when they feel safe and secure.

2. Women love through sacrifice. However, women often love and sacrifice in ways that are not good for the male psychology. Thus, a woman needs a man to communicate about his needs. Not only will a woman love him for communicating respectfully with her, but the more she sacrifices to meet his needs, the more deeply her love will grow.

3. Women read into men’s behaviors, get excited, assume commitment, and then get hurt when he pulls away due to the added pressure.

4. Women are critical of their bodies and fear competition from other women.

5. Women are attracted to strength and confidence.

6. Women are turned off by men who are too nice.

7. Women often fall in love with friends.

8. Women like to be pursued and to feel wanted.

9. Women enjoy touch, kissing, and affection but feel vulnerable and prone to shame after sexual contact.

10. Women want men who hold off sexually – it makes a woman feel respected and wanted rather than feeling like an object.

11. Women want immediate relationships but trust and value slow progressing relationships.

12. Women long to feel adored.

13. Women are repelled by moping, brooding, and the silent treatment.

14. Women worry. They need to know they are not alone in dealing with the problems of the relationship.

15. Women who don’t trust and respect their men fall out of love, especially if there is no communication.

16. Women like gifts, surprises, reasonable spontaneity, and excitement. The extra effort makes them feel special.

17. Women would rather have open and honest communication about misdeeds than to be protected from the truth.

Snell, Alisa Goodwin, L.M.F.T. (2008). Dating Game Secrets for Marrying a Good Man. Bonneville Books, Springville, UT.

Askalisa.org, Alisa Goodwin Snell, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, phone: (801) 447-6000 or e-mail: alisa@askalisa.org

I’m [less] sad.

Lately I haven’t blogged much. At first I wasn’t blogging much because I was spending a lot of time with a guy, and lately I haven’t blogged at all because I’ve been sad about how things ended. (I don’t really like blogging about sad things or really personal things, but this has kind of permeated my life lately, and when I told Jess I was thinking of writing this she said I should do.)

Basically, when things really ended, I still liked the guy a lot. My heart hurt. A lot. I wanted to cut it out. I felt sick to my stomach. I wanted to change his mind. I texted him like nothing had changed. But it had. I wanted to become a crack addict and never feel anything again. After a few days, I was tired of it hurting. I ate one of those SKOR chocolate bars and a bunch of Twizzler bits, even though I’m mostly eating healthy stuff these days. I cried a little bit, too, but not a lot because I’m not a big crier. I wished I could cry more.

Today, my heart still hurts, but quite a bit less than it did. Here are the things that I’ve been doing, which have made a big difference for me over the past week:

- I stopped texting him.

- When things seem really overwhelming, I take a 12 second deep breath. I fill my lungs over a slow count to four. I hold it for a couple seconds (which are not part of the twelve…hmmmm…wait a minute…). And then I exhale over a slow count to eight. Even though I remember that lungs have a resting capacity (which we studied in my high school anatomy class) I try to squeeze all of the air out of my body. I repeat this a couple times, until I feel calmer. Doing some certain number of 12 second breathers every day adds up the same as like an hour of yoga, or something, but I don’t remember what, because I learned awhile ago that it’s good to breathe deeply, I don’t usually think about it.

- I’ve been listening to some specific music. Three songs that I have really liked over the past week are: “This is such a pity” (Weezer) (which is really not about boy stuff, but I like it anyway), “Happy Hearts” (Okkervil River), and “Miss You” (The Feeling).

- A few weeks ago I went to a really fancy place in Salt Lake (okay, I don't really know what to link to for them...sad.) to have my hair cut. I desperately needed to rid myself of split ends. But then, I couldn’t stand being somewhere so fancy and just getting a tiny trim, so I had my girl color my hair too. She weaved in blondish caramel highlights and also reddish brownish ones. It came out perfectly. This has helped me twofold: first, even though I’m sad, I feel awesome when I look in the mirror because I am still very pleased with my hair. Second, my girl had tons of personality and something she said has stuck with me. She talked about how she had pretty recently broken up with this guy she’d lived with for eight years. At first it was really rough, and she drank a lot. She was past that, though. Every so often as she was doing my hair, and as we were talking, she’d sing the little phrase that kept her going: “Just gotta keep on keepin’ on.” So now I’m singing it too, to no particular tune, and I like it.

- On Thursday, I found a neat book at my school bookstore. It’s called The Bounce Back Book, and it’s by Karen Salmansohn. The subtitle is “how to thrive in the face of adversity, setbacks, and losses”. I almost didn’t buy it, because I wasn’t raped, I didn’t divorce anyone, I haven’t lost my job, etc, but I really liked the parts I read while at the bookstore. It seemed like it would maybe help me feel better and it has. Tip #4 says “Feeling means you’re dealing means you’re healing.” I read that when my heart hurt a lot, and I kind of resented it, but now when I start to hurt I think that, and to me it means that the more it hurts, the sooner it will hurt less, and that’s comforting. There are also a bunch of other good “tips”. I’m glad I bought the book.

- On Saturday I spun a bunch of yarn. When I first started my spinning class, our instructor said that spinning would be relaxing. It wasn’t. It was hard. I had to really concentrate to get it to work at all, and never had yarn that was even. I’ve been spinning for a year and a half now, though, and now I don’t have to think about it. Instead of having to focus to have it come out even, I usually watch movies while I spin, and I sit back on the couch, relaxed. My feet move the treadle, and the wool floats from my fingers to the spool, and it feels like a cloud.

- Friday I visited UffishThought; I hadn’t seen her for awhile. I’m always happy to see her, actually. Friday was possibly my worst day, and Uffish helped me feel better. She gave me a hug. She shared Dr. Horrible with me, and also reminded me that I need to watch Pushing Dasies, which Optimistic had told me to watch a few times already (and I’d promptly forgotten). She told me all about Heroes, too. And I saw her garden, which I’ve wanted to see for awhile. My roommates have been very helpful through this too.

- This weekend I got a lot of sleep. When I started spending time with the guy, I stopped sleeping as much as I needed to. Getting more rest has really helped me think more clearly about all of this, and worry less.

- Also on Saturday, I finally went back to the gym. Before the guy, I had been going to the gym most days, following a rigorous training plan. I had been doing well for like 5 weeks, and I was so happy. When I became interested in the guy, though, I started attending ward functions most days, plus I was always tired, and things just always seemed to make my gym time impossible. Going back felt SO GOOD. Also, I bought a fantastic pair of like, stretchy fitted running/gym long shorts (that sounds ugly, but they’re really cute), which I’ve wanted for a long time. They make me happy too.

- Something else that has kind of helped my heart hurt less is thinking of reasons why it’s better this way. I think about the different trade-offs I would have had to make if I had seriously dated or married the guy. Obviously there were a lot of things about him that made me really happy, otherwise I wouldn’t feel awful. But thinking about the other things makes me hurt less. For example, knowing him didn’t make me want to be any better than I am, and that’s something that is kind of important to me. Similarly, I’ve tried to put things into perspective and look for the good. I haven’t really dated anyone since my mission, and the stuff with this guy will make it easier for me to have relationships with guys up in Salt Lake after I move. Good. Also, I gained a friend who understands some stuff from my life that nobody else really does, and that’s good.

- And then finally, I’ve noticed that I’m praying more than I had been before, and I think that’s helping. Also, this week I plan on attending the temple, which I haven’t lately, and I think I’ll feel even more peace after that.

Anyway, that’s where I am right now. I’m still sad, but I’m feeling a lot better than I did a few days ago. Things will be okay.